Thursday, July 21

Instructions for Stupid People

I’ve received this before through email and thought it was pretty funny. I recently found it again and thought I would share.

Instructions for Stupid People:
In Honor of Stupid People (an expansion as well as a revisit)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???.....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time)? ***I, Maddog, know someone with a scar for failing to heed such a warning***

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..."
(And...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Ouch! My God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

8 Comments:

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Zeke said...

Gargle.......these nuts..........

 
At 3:37 PM, Blogger grey said...

I'd like to thank every money-grubbing lawyer out there that has managed to find a gab in the law and make a few bucks off it for some of those stupid warnings.

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger Zeke said...

Maddog, get a hold of me, I can't reach you on your cell.

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous vickie said...

1. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
2. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
3. War Dims Hope for Peace
4. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
5. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
6. Deer Kill 17,000
7. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
8. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
9. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
10. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
11. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
12. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
13. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

much more here: http://www.webenglishteacher.com/text/headlines.txt

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Zeke said...

Thought I would add one I found today on the back of a cd case.

"Do not use the CD for any purpose other than that for which it was intended. Applications for which it was not intended include but are not limited to:

1. Frisbee
2.Ice cream scoop
3. mirror
4. Throat lozenge.
Thank you and emjoy the many digital delights herein."

WHat the hell is a throat loznege?

 
At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Rev. Sardonicus said...

Here's a few I've seen floating around online:

On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required

On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children

On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe
[editorial comment: ask Zeke's older brother if Glocks are diswasher safe]

On a push lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer

In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher

On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth

 
At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

coppier thats from funnyjunk.com

 
At 5:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a cool funny junk stuff here
.com funny junkfunny junk

 

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