Wednesday, April 13

Who is Dirty Sanchez?

Ok, if no one wants to comment on Pantano, here’s some sick shit that every soldier will enjoy. Grammar/spelling may be just as bad as the content. Complete list at < http://www.number-one-adult-sexual-health-terms-advisor.com/obsecure.htm>

Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

Abraham Lincoln
You see it is like the donkey punch, which I hope you know, but this one you’ll do her doggy style, and much like Lincoln got shot in the back of his head, you punch her knocking her unconscious. Now, turn her back to the floor and bust all over her face and cut your pubs and sprinkle them onto her face, hence the name Abraham Lincoln.

The Bronco
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.

Brown Necktie
You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.

The Bullwinkle
The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)

Butter Face
When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.

The Carpet Cleaner
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.

The Chicken Cutlet
While banging a bitch on the beach, pull out your cock roll it around in some sand and stick it back in.

Cleveland Steamer
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.

The Compton Gangbang
You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)

Couch Bombing
When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first

Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

Dutch Oven
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).

The Fire Island
This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.

Flooding The Cave
Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.

The Flying Camel
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.

Flying Dragon
After blowing your load into your girlfriends, mouth immediately follow up with a spinning heel kick to the face


The Flying Dutchman
This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.

Gobstopper
With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.

The Hindenburg
When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.

Hiudini
While banging your bitch doggystyle build up until your about to cum then pull out and spit on her back, when she turns around let her have it in the face

Hot Karl
The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.

The Jedi Mind Trick
When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".

The Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.

The Menthol
The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.

Monkey Wrench
When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.

The Mung
Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.

New York Style Taco
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.

The Nixon
A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.

Pattycake
While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.

Paying The Rent
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.

Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich
Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)

Pink Sock
This is performed by nailing your bitch doggystyle in her asshole and giving her a simultaneous vigerous blow to the sides of her kidneys thus pulling her colon out onto your dick

The Pirate's Treasure
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.

Plating
Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.

Puerto Rican Fog Bank
While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.

Purple Mushroom
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.

The Ram
When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.

Rear Admiral
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips

Red Wings
Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!

Resuscitation
When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.

The Roddy Piper
When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.

The Rodeo
Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!

The Rose Creeper
Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.

The Rusty Trombone
This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.

SandCrab
I believe that it might be a cousin of the "SandBag" but this works way better.
Ok your meet this dumb whore at the beach and ask her to take a walk on the beach. After you lay your mac down, you begin to rip her clothes off planning to plant your demon seed. While her legs are on your shoulders, you reach down with your left hand and pinch her ass (creating the sandcrab effect)...taking her attention away from your right hand where your grabbing a hand full of sand. As you explode your man shake, throw the sand in her face and RUN! This creates the diversion you need to make that quick get away. Leaving her knocked up with a face full of sand, feeling like a dumb whore.


Shirley Temple
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.

Snerd Nurgling
The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...

Snowball
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

Stranger On The Rocks
Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.

Stingy Nut
When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.

3-Eyed Turtle
Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.


The Tortoise
When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.

Tossing Salad
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)

Wake Up Call
Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"

The Walrus
After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.

Western Grip
When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.

The Zombie MaskWhile getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning lik

8 Comments:

At 6:31 PM, Blogger Maddog said...

See if you can think of one on your own:
The Jack Ruby
When your partner excuses her self, to utilize the bathroom, while you’re in the middle of attempting any of these aforementioned sexual atrocities, switch strategy to this one. Begin self-stimulation along the wall next to the bathroom door, when you hear the toilet flush (she’s probably not the type to wash her hands) get ready. When the door opens jump in the air and soot her right in the chest. Use caution when attempting this in a dorm or any other place with a communal shiter.

 
At 11:19 PM, Blogger Pabstman said...

Maddog, that really made ny night reading these. My roomate and I laughed our asses off at them.


This is one that Grey told me to do if I ever bang a fat chick.
basically you ride her doggy style so that she is not looking at you, and then when the time comes you give her a donkey punch and knock her out. Then once she is out, you shit in her hair and leave her to lay there so that she has a stinky wake up in hte morning and has to try to get your shit out of her hair.

 
At 11:24 PM, Blogger Pabstman said...

The Pabstman

you are banging the hell out of this chick, an when she is about ready to get off you crack a Pabst Blue Ribbon, it will really confuse her and when she looks back at you you tell her " Don't Worry About It, just finish up, my beer is getting warm."

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Zeke said...

That was way too long, I didn't even attempt to read that. But I thought I would be a post whore and say I was here. I'll read it later

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger Travis said...

Seriously, the zombie is hands down the best one.

 
At 1:59 PM, Blogger Alex said...

You forgot my favorite, the Angry Pirate. They have a similar list over at Gorrillamask (the guys that host the Mindless Bullshit Forums). Sick shit, Sparrow!

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Maddog said...

If you think this is sick, I’ll be posting the S&M Man truck song in a couple of days/weeks. Chink-Cha-Chink-Cha-Chink was such a hit on the zeke’s page (my first blog experience) I thought the world might be ready for this one.

And to do you no disservice:
The Angry Pirate
The next time your girl gives you a blowjob, tell her beforehand you don’t want to finish in her mouth. She’s gladly oblige. When you do finish, pull out and force it into her eye. When she’s stumbling around, kick her in the shin as hard as you can. Then run. As you’re leaving, turn around, and if you’ve done everything correctly you should see an angry, one-eyed, peg-legged pirate.

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger Cowboy said...

ummmmm....wow. Dont think Ill use any of these.

 

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