Wednesday, March 16

Old Army stories

I think I’ll end up writing old stories for a while. I don’t normally talk a lot, as I am fairly reserved, unless I’m the Maddog, but by then I’m probably dancing, and the environment rarely lends itself to conversation.  I also don’t normally talk about Basic Training, because it really wasn’t “cool” were I grew up in the Army, but it’s fairly rampant in the guards so…
I was on KP, for the second time, and had learned enough about the process to try and scam it.  KP is when you are attached to the kitchen for a day, it is not a punishment, and everyone has to do it several times.  I had previously worked “pots and pans” where we washed the dishes.  This was probably the hardest job in terms of labor, but you got all the food you wanted (leftovers). 
During my stay at Benning (where all infantry basic is conducted), we were never allowed to eat cake, but they always made several 2X3 sheets of it.  The cadre never ate that much, so I can only guess as to why they made so much. 
This second time on KP, being on general maintenance, one of my jobs was to take out the trash.  I informed the guys on pots and pans to let me know when the cake was brought in.  Normally, they would just consume as much of it as they could before thrashing the majority of it, but I had other plans. When the cake came through, I placed a second bag in the garbage, over what was there, and emptied all the cake, or what was left, into it.  I then told our detail commander (the drill sergeant who got stuck on KP to watch us) I was taking out the trash.  I tied the cake bag up and hid it behind the dumpster and discarded the real garbage.  I then returned to full fill the rest of my KP duty as normal. 
After we were through for the day, my battle buddy (gay basic training system for accountability/punishment) and I returned to the dumpster and shoved the cake into our empty boot shine kits (ammo cans).  We each had a solid brick of cake by the time we where done stuffing it in.  We then brought the cans back to our bay (30 dicks sleeping in one big room), and invited everyone into the latrine to dine on our spoils.


At 10:37 AM, Blogger Zeke said...

No shit there I was, balls deep in this doods ass. Then he turned around and tried to kiss me................what a Fag!!!

This one time, at basic...........
I can't actually think of any off the top of my head. My brain is still too full of Bosnia. maybe later.

At 10:25 PM, Blogger grey said...

Err..basic training stories rampant in the guards?? Maybe with the privates that haven't been anywhere or seen anything else.

At 6:55 PM, Blogger Maddog said...

Rampant: extending unchecked; unrestrained (

Of course older members of the guard like you, zeke, and myself do not continually regurgitate old basic training stories, I didn’t feel I had to make that clear as it was not the point of my story. But, yes, the FNG’s continuously spout tales of the hardships they so bravely endured as if no other has experienced them. We, as good NCO’s, forgive them of this as we know they have have no other conquests of relevance to Army training. This is in contrast to my old home, where the mere mention of basic, in any context, would result in physical punishment of some form (most certainly checked and restrained).

Note also I assert no value judgment, good or bad, over the rampant telling of basic stories within the guard.

At 7:44 AM, Blogger grey said...

Rampant also means widespread (webster)

Sure, If you just ignore another's behavior, neither reinforcing or punishing it, it will eventually fade away...the problem with privates is that we always get new ones, with more stupid basic training stories (Sgt, Sgt, I had the opportunity to spend 3 whole days at the MOUT site in Ft. Benning, I think I could be of value to the discussion!!).

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Maddog said...

At the Christmas party in DL I really slapped the crap out of that guy. I think it’s a whiskey thing; I’m switching back to rum.

Two things concerning “rampant”: First we could argue over the definition, where you probably have the edge, but have yet to prove yours or disprove mine as the correct definition. Second, even if I agree to your definition, I could conclude that basic stories are widespread, and will outline this argument briefly.
1. We have constant flow of new privates, who tell basic stories.
2. They can remain new for a long time, do to the nature of the guard, one weekend a month.
3. We loose older members who no longer tell basic stories.
4. From here it’s a numbers game, and we’d have to identify what constitutes or qualifies as a rampant level.
Conclusion: If all these premises are sound, you must find that it follows declaration of rampant is a judgment call, and based on its relevance to the only other place I have served- basic stories are rampant in the guard.

Of course you can argue with this outline that you can prove your assertion, that basic stories are not rampant, using you’re own judgment based on "rampant's" relevancy to your experience. However, I don’t believe you can show an area where it is more widespread with basic stories then in the guards, were I can show areas that are less so.

This is fun. I hope you can find fault in my argument:)

At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

-this is fucking hillarious!

At 5:40 PM, Blogger grey said...

Your logic is sound (in stark contrast to when you are drunk), but as i stated in my first comment, it applies to the new guys, not you, me, the zeke or others I consider to be my peers in the unit.

When defining a word, you have to take into consideration the dictionary's definition, the context, and how it is commonly used.

I've noticed one thing since we got back from the Boz. I have a lot of patience for the guys we deployed with, and very little for those we did not...namely the fucking new guys (ie privates). Especially that creepy-sleepy slackfuck that will be pushing until he pukes next time he falls asleep in class -and I don't give a fuck how boring it may be.

At 8:24 AM, Blogger Zeke said...

Perhaps there is a happy middle to be found. Basic training stories are rampant with new privates in the guards.

I'd say keep drinking wiskey. There is nothing funnier to me than the thought of "cowboy" getting slapped around. Thank God he is going active. I find it quite funny that he thinks he will be better off there. (Chuckles)

My sentiments exactly. I also have no patients for the FNG's. However, I see some good stock, and I try to treat them....."normal" unfortunately, most of them take this to mean we are "buddy's." At which point I give them the same speach I once got, that, "I'm not your fucking buddy." This usually comes about when I am designating tasks, and I get the, "ha ha whatever" from a private.......he...he......he.

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Cowboy said...

hey Zeke loved your comment there. I think you should shut the fuck up myself, at least I got the balls to go out on a limb and do what I feel I gotta do, more then most men, including you probably. Smoothe move saying that on a blog, cant you say that to my face or you gotta sit behind a screen and say it. wow..what balls...and Im glad I aint goin to Iraq with you either. Thanks for reminding me of that. I wanna go witha bunch of guys that actually have some guts.

At 2:19 PM, Blogger grey said...

Relax, Cowboy. This isn't what I would call "behind your back." This is a public blog, and I'm certain the Zeke is aware that you are quite capable of finding it, given that we were all looking at our blogs during drill.

As far as going overseas with "guys that have guts" goes, I don't think you have enough knowledge of our unit, any of as individuals, or the world in general to make a statement like that.

I suggest that you take a deep breath and think hard before you decided to leave the best unit in the guard for some regular army unit full of shitbags that can't even count -especially If you can't handle a little smack talk.

At 2:43 PM, Blogger Zeke said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:49 PM, Blogger Zeke said...

After thinking it over, I have come up with the PERFECT response.

Ahem......"Don't worry about it"

At 7:38 PM, Blogger Travis said...

Badda bing... I found a new blog.

At 7:42 PM, Blogger Pabstman said...

Zeke I think that is what the Pabstman would have done in this situation. It is not worth getting pissed off over someone that is imature, and has to lash out on a blog.


Post a Comment

<< Home