House O' Maddog

Tell me:

2009-04-05T19:53:00.000-07:00

How is it that you are certain of anything?

Perfect imperfection, imperfections of our understanding, or…

2009-02-25T10:51:00.000-08:00

If pi, 3.14…, is the ratio reached when dividing the circumference of a circle by its diameter, how then is the result of this quotient an irrational number and not a quotient? The main quality of an irrational number I’m addressing here is that the left side of the decimal results in an infinite non-repeating sequence of numbers. Rational numbers, which all quotients of integers are, have either terminating or repeating decimals.

The problem is that if you take the circumference and straighten it out into a line, and then compare that length to the length of the diameter, the two lengths remain incommensurable. They can share no common measure. Meaning no matter how small you make a unit of measure, that measure will never produce a whole number value for both lines. This means one length must begin as an irrational number, which seems unnatural or inconsistent with how one initially thinks of “number” to be represented in the world.

This is not a problem unique to circles. Any geometric shape, either initially or when subdivided as a composition of other geometric shapes, will result in an incommensurable ratio between two or more sides. Although, pi does take things one step further, in that it is a transcendental number, but one thing at a time. What I’m currently contemplating, what does this suggest?

What do politicians do, in situations like this current crisis, when presented with questions such as how to proceed?

2009-02-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

Politicians realize that it is both extremely difficult to accurately predict what to do, and potentially detrimental to their carriers should they act incorrectly. So, the first thing you have to understand is partisan politics. There are ideologies coming at you from the left and the right. These ideologies are interpretations of the actual situation with the proper spin applied to influence public opinion to one side or the other. Now, everything has limits, and you don’t know when you’ve reached or overstretched those limits without perspective. When I say everything, it means everything in my understanding including my understanding. So you have to step outside of your comfort zone. Now, if I don’t understand something as monotonous as lawn maintenance (why is my grass yellow?) or something as empirically observable as the cuttlefish (which is really a mollusk), how could I concede there could be nothing completely beyond my understanding? I’m not talking about advanced physics or even proper sentence structure (yes writing resource people, I don’t know what an adjective is or why its curtail to a sentence, but tell me again so I can promptly forget it). I’m talking about things beyond the natural world. God is a perfectly good example. You can’t explain such an unlimited concept with our limited concepts. Explain to someone, using the seemingly unlimited concept of omnipotence, that God is all powerful. That sly individual will then cleverly ask “Well can he create a bolder so heavy that he couldn’t lift it?” So now you’re trapped into negatively defining the concept of God, with something like He is not conceivable, not changeable, indestructible, and without beginning or end. Oh, but now by golly, he is unknowable, without faith by any means, and still beyond complete understanding so how should one come to know Him? And that, my friend, is what those politicians do.

Why not post something

2009-01-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

Why study philosophy? It appears to be the pursuit of answers to unanswerable questions. The futile nature of such an art demands an understanding, at least by those who would continue its practice, as to why bother to continue its practice. Essentially every major question that philosophers have asked since the beginning of time remains in debate, to some degree or another. What good has come, how many lives wasted?

However, every modern science has its origins in philosophy. When a science becomes able to stand on its own is when it departs, to form its own school of thought. From philosophy came history and the understanding of why it is important. Mathematics, beyond simple counting, is in its debt. The study of science, Physiology, Sociology, and more were spawned as ideas resulting from a way to find truth beyond what was currently thought at the time each was developed. If you look closely, you will see an underlying assumption in everything thought to be known that is without certainty. This is where the subject separated from philosophy.

To generalize all the schools of science, knowledge comes from experience or observation, and absolute knowledge is in a disprovable form. To generalize every religion, knowledge is attainable without conformation through faith or by the grace of God, Gods, or some other greater unknown. Absolute knowledge of such beings and/or the commandments of any religion remain provable only through each specific faith. As for mathematics, have you ever been for a stroll and encountered something to claim “look, there is the square root of 7.” Of course not, but to suggest its nonexistence would be to invite much laughter at your foolishness.

I got back on here and wanted to write something, and there it is. Full of careless thought, but now it can be subject to the scrutiny of all.

n the Pursuit of “Truth”

2007-06-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

As per Zeke's request I will entertain you with a brief explanation of my own philosophical views in general. Firstly I am a cynic when it comes to mans ability to know anything. I would go so far as to say we cannot know anything with certainty if that statement didn’t contradict itself by asserting we can know we know nothing.

It is clear then that we must first assume something before we can claim we know anything. Others assume there religion is True, or that the laws of science are a more correct explanation of things, or etc. etc. I assume we can know nothing. While this seems bleak, on the contrary it allows me to freely seek out any and all knowledge. This freedom allows me to see the faults or potential gaps within other theories or beliefs.

Why should I still see a need to pursue knowledge in pursuit of the Truth? Because if I assume we can know nothing, I assume that same belief is also potentially false. I think we can still benefit from assumed facts, I just don’t feel the need to believe there are no other possibilities or that any one possibility is superior to all others.

A mathematical example may help to explain my thoughts. If we are going to ascertain the meaning of life, we could start by looking at all the current innumerous explanations, then fathom that there will be many more as our existence continues. If we assume we continue to exit infinitely, we can assume an infinite number of choices. If we do not, the number is still high enough to serve in this example. Take one explanation out of the potentially infinite possibilities, now how can we presume this one example is true? Mathematically the odds of being wrong are so staggering that it would be rather pompous for someone to presume he could accomplish such a feet.

Just some of my thoughts, which could very well be wrong.

Part 3: The problem

2006-07-27T17:15:00.000-07:00

Poor training is poor training, and no amount of it will yield a much better soldier. If I am likely to die through my hesitation when engaging multiple moving targets while maneuvering with my team/squad/platoon, no amount of ultra controlled solitary prone or foxhole shooting is likely to alleviate that. Additionally, no one will ever know about my inability to conduct myself in such a situation and therefore not aid me to overcome this detriment to our unit in time to avoid the repercussions of these poor fighting skills.

How am I to know how to act in, or better prepare myself for, a situation I have never been in? How does one go from rarely touching a weapon outside of a strictly controlled situation to carrying it locked and loaded constantly through an actual combat zone?

Also know that this concerns me only moderately, but it is all I feel comfortable getting into right now.

Part 2: Possible Reasons

2006-06-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

Long ago the Army, which the National Guard is a part of, used to train hard. There were far less regulations and safety concerns which likened training more closely to actual combat. As a result, people died more often in peace, or training, as today. This was, of course, seen as a bad thing and more controls were implemented.

However, now it is rare to even move with a loaded weapon in training. This does not represent combat, and as a result a greater potential for death awaits each soldier in combat. This is also bad, especially in the super-critical arena of politics today. The only answer? Increase the time for training.

It is by this, or similar, logic that the soldiers ever-family-absent fate has been sealed.

Train Up- Part 1: The Question

2006-05-31T15:33:00.000-07:00

I am normally not one to complain, and hopefully you will find I have avoided doing so (all be it skillfully), though I come perilously close throughout the duration of this writing. My criticisms and questions will predominantly pertain to the training of National Guard troops for deployment.
Why is it each time we deploy there is a train up equal to one-half times the deployments length? Three months I trained before a six month deployment to Bosnia, and six months before one year in Iraq. Neither time offered the facilities, aids, instructors, or even material to justify their time frame.
Let alone someone question their length as to the extent of undue stress on the family environment; I will, near the end of this deployment, have been deployed for half the age of my youngest daughter- since she was born.

No post

2006-05-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written anything for a while for two reasons: 1) There is really nothing I wanted to write about that I thought I could write about, and 2) There would be little or no time to do it. But now, I have decided to try and start posting again so be prepared for an entertaining ramble about nothing coming up. \m/ “rock out” <--(look I learned some more whatever-there-calleds, ok I’ll stop with the false motivation)

2005-12-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

It's been a while

2005-09-01T22:06:00.000-07:00

Show Me Your War Face

Going to War?

2005-08-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

Situation: I have been given the choice to serve in the war against terror. I don’t want to go to Iraq, but I probably will go with my Army National Guard unit when it deploys soon.

Now you, whomever is reading this, has the chance to dilute, by one soldier, the atrocities compiling by the mere presence of US forces; or increase, by one soldier, the potential for a continued and glorious victory over the Axis of Evil. Your chance to influence me through replying is small, but your contribution will be reviewed and (probably) discussed.

I am not limiting you as to what you can say, but remember I am one soldier, not the US Foreign Policy. That is to say, I want to discus why it’s important for an individual soldier to go or not go, not the nation. Additionally, I’m not as interested in practical benefits (i.e. college money, etc.), but rather the moral credits and debits (service to Nation, the unholy slaughter of “innocents”) a soldier would be accountable for either way.

This post was designed more for the lurker or happenstance reader. I’m pretty sure I know what my normal readers are going to say (that’s why I’m probably coming), but feel free to voice what you think, why you have chosen to go, or why you wanted to stay, anyway.

The funny thing is I mean it

2005-08-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

Did you ever want to grab a large, preferably metallic, object and run through a crowd of people flailing said object randomly? Pre-deployment stress, school stress, marital stress, financial stress, and those goddamn box elder bugs are everywhere! I already got my object picked out so, random crowed of people out there, you better watch out.

Stolen

2005-08-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

One Trek 820 Mountain Bike, red and black, out of my garage. Had an aftermarket Bell headlight on the handlebars. On the rear wheel it had the hook up for a pull behind kid trailer. Serial # C83G0293 bought on 4/20/04 for $220. Stolen last night, 02 Aug 05, or this morning between 11:30pm and 7:00am.

Instructions for Stupid People

2005-07-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

I’ve received this before through email and thought it was pretty funny. I recently found it again and thought I would share.

Instructions for Stupid People:
In Honor of Stupid People (an expansion as well as a revisit)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???.....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time)? ***I, Maddog, know someone with a scar for failing to heed such a warning***

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..."
(And...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Ouch! My God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Obscurities Vs.

2005-07-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

Who would win in a fight between Clifford the Big Red Dog and the entire cast of Sesame Street? Why? Don’t forget about Telly and his undefeated pit-fighting record from back in his drinking days. Additionally, they don’t call Snuffleupagus- Snuffy ‘cause he likes the coke.

4 Nights In Bangkok: The Lead Up

2005-07-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

My body is covered head to toe in sweat. My back keeps sticking to the plastic mattress tied to my shity-folding cot. The pungent odder of 30+ other sweaty guys hangs heavy in the air, the humidity its constant companion. It’s hot, damn hot, and past midnight.

Our barracks consists of a bunch of white painted cinder blocks and screens, no running water or bathrooms. This means when I get up in 4 hours I’ll leave my PT shorts on (the really cool short ones), pull on my jungle boots, find a dry brown T-shirt, and don the jungle boonie just before I stager outside to wait for a turn to use some of the cleanest pissers this side of the Mekong River. (The water for the shiters comes from an engorged balloon that sits just outside)

4 and half hours later I walk into the shiter, thinking about how cool I look, and when sitting down notice the giant gecko (?) hanging on the backside of the door. This thing is probably one and a half times the size of my boot and I’m trying to figure out how to catch it. When I’m finished, I decide to give the bottom of the door some test taps to check the gecko’s reaction. Nothing. I slide my boot a little closer. CRAK! It sounds as if someone had dropped an MRE bomb as its jaws snap together. While I stand there, slightly befuddled, it moves faster then I can react to watch. It escaped up and over the wall I assume form the shout in the next stall.

I walk away thinking next time if I just stomp on its tail… and hold its head or body down with my E-tool…

New Sword

2005-05-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am buying a new sword soon, which one, I am unsure of. My first quality sword is a Gus Trim blade, MS1313 from allsaintsblades.com. This is a larger sword and now I want to get a true one-hander.

I’ve always loved Viking swords, and originally got involved with swords because of that. That’s why I’m thinking of this one, the Vinland. http://albion-swords.com/swords/albion/nextgen/sword-viking-vinland.htm

On the other hand, even though initially I was unimpressed with this one, the Sovereign, I can’t stop thinking about it, and the blade is truly amazing. http://www.myarmoury.com/review_alb_sov.html
or
http://albion-swords.com/swords/albion/nextgen/sword-medieval-sovereign-xiv.htm

So send me some comments and help me decide.

4

2005-05-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while, what’s up? Who wants to go golfing around noon Thursday at Greenwood? At the very least I’m going to hit some range balls.

The S&M Man

2005-04-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

I realize at the head of this blog it states “the perfect mix of intelligence and belligerence,” but the majority has been more akin to belligerence. That is due to the taxing of my intellectual abilities ells were, and so you wind up with the belligerence. Just an explanation, on with the belligerence…

Here’s a second truck song for all you fans out there. This is to the tune of “The Candy Man” by Sammy Davis Jr. (Who can take a rainbow Sprinkle something something…) Now remember this is done as a group, one guy leads and everyone repeats. When the lead says the funny line everyone stops repeating, instead they sing:
The S&M man The S&M man The S&M man ‘cause he fills the pain with love and makes the hurt feel good, makes the hurt feel good.

Example, followed by song:

Lead: Who can take a tricycle
Everyone: Who can take a tricycle

Lead: Rip off the seat
Everyone: Rip off the seat

Lead: Put your sister on it push her down a bumpy street

Everyone: The S&M man The S&M man The S&M man ‘cause he fills the pain with love and makes the hurt feel good, makes the hurt feel good.

Who can take some first graders

12 stories high

Pump ‘em full of acid and convince them they can fly

The S&M man The S&M man The S&M man ‘cause he fills the pain with love and makes the hurt feel good, makes the hurt feel good.

Who can take a baby

Lay it on its back

Fuck it up the ass until you here its pelvis crack

The S&M man The S&M man The S&M man ‘cause he fills the pain with love and makes the hurt feel good, makes the hurt feel good.

Who can take two ice picks

Stick ‘em in her ears

Fuck her from behind as he’s shiftin’ through the gears

Who can take your grandma

Out in the front lawn

Fuck her wrinkled twat as your grandpa cheers him on

Who can take a baby

Lay it on the bed

Grab it by the ears and fuck the soft spot in its head

Who can take your grandpa

Tie him to a chair

Then fuck him in the ass until he has no anal hair

Who can take two cheese graders

Strap’em to his arms

Push them in and out and make some pussy parmesan

Who can take a nazi

Bend him over a pew

Fuck him in the ass until he converts into a Jew

You can switch leads often when everyone knows several verses, this keeps momentum when your struggling to remember a verse, as such they can be sung in any order. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

Late

2005-04-18T18:38:00.000-07:00

I kind of deviated from my story theme, but I am short on time, and am neglecting my work even now. When I get back on top of things, which most likely wont be until after finals, I think I’ll ditch the chronological order and start posting the best story from every country I’ve been to.
I was falling behind before Vegas and Drake, and now I have late papers in 3 classes, and have yet to do any math homework for the entire last chapter (did great on the test though). I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I probably don’t even know you, but at least I’ve given my mind a little break from what seems to be an unending… whatever, you know what I mean, I got to go.

Who is Dirty Sanchez?

2005-04-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, if no one wants to comment on Pantano, here’s some sick shit that every soldier will enjoy. Grammar/spelling may be just as bad as the content. Complete list at < http://www.number-one-adult-sexual-health-terms-advisor.com/obsecure.htm>

Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

Abraham Lincoln
You see it is like the donkey punch, which I hope you know, but this one you’ll do her doggy style, and much like Lincoln got shot in the back of his head, you punch her knocking her unconscious. Now, turn her back to the floor and bust all over her face and cut your pubs and sprinkle them onto her face, hence the name Abraham Lincoln.

The Bronco
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.

Brown Necktie
You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.

The Bullwinkle
The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)

Butter Face
When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.

The Carpet Cleaner
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.

The Chicken Cutlet
While banging a bitch on the beach, pull out your cock roll it around in some sand and stick it back in.

Cleveland Steamer
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.

The Compton Gangbang
You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)

Couch Bombing
When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first

Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

Dutch Oven
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).

The Fire Island
This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.

Flooding The Cave
Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.

The Flying Camel
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.

Flying Dragon
After blowing your load into your girlfriends, mouth immediately follow up with a spinning heel kick to the face

The Flying Dutchman
This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.

Gobstopper
With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.

The Hindenburg
When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.

Hiudini
While banging your bitch doggystyle build up until your about to cum then pull out and spit on her back, when she turns around let her have it in the face

Hot Karl
The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.

The Jedi Mind Trick
When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".

The Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.

The Menthol
The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.

Monkey Wrench
When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.

The Mung
Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.

New York Style Taco
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.

The Nixon
A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.

Pattycake
While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.

Paying The Rent
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.

Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich
Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)

Pink Sock
This is performed by nailing your bitch doggystyle in her asshole and giving her a simultaneous vigerous blow to the sides of her kidneys thus pulling her colon out onto your dick

The Pirate's Treasure
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.

Plating
Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.

Puerto Rican Fog Bank
While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.

Purple Mushroom
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.

The Ram
When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.

Rear Admiral
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips

Red Wings
Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!

Resuscitation
When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.

The Roddy Piper
When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.

The Rodeo
Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!

The Rose Creeper
Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.

The Rusty Trombone
This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.

SandCrab
I believe that it might be a cousin of the "SandBag" but this works way better.
Ok your meet this dumb whore at the beach and ask her to take a walk on the beach. After you lay your mac down, you begin to rip her clothes off planning to plant your demon seed. While her legs are on your shoulders, you reach down with your left hand and pinch her ass (creating the sandcrab effect)...taking her attention away from your right hand where your grabbing a hand full of sand. As you explode your man shake, throw the sand in her face and RUN! This creates the diversion you need to make that quick get away. Leaving her knocked up with a face full of sand, feeling like a dumb whore.

Shirley Temple
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.

Snerd Nurgling
The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...

Snowball
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

Stranger On The Rocks
Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.

Stingy Nut
When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.

3-Eyed Turtle
Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.

The Tortoise
When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.

Tossing Salad
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)

Wake Up Call
Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"

The Walrus
After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.

Western Grip
When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.

The Zombie MaskWhile getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning lik

To the Honorable Collin C. Peterson,

2005-04-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

I have a wife and two beautiful daughters, three-and-a-half and one-and-a-half. Besides my duties as a loving father and husband, I enlisted into the MN National Guard after first serving four years of active-duty Army with 1/75 Ranger Battalion. In addition to my duties as a team leader in our guard unit, I am employed part time with FedEx Ground and support my family on the $9.50 an hour I make there. In addition to this I am enrolled full time at Bemidji State University with 16 credits (I had to drop 3). On top of this I am also enrolled in their Honors Program, and am maintaining a 3.93 GPA.

I would think that it is obvious, to any observer, that I have little time. However I have taken time out of my busy day to inform you of what I feel is a positive way to correct a gross disservice to our military.

I will not lie out the facts, as I am sure you are aware of them, although allow me one more comment. I will most likely be leaving my wife and children soon to serve in Iraq, and would like to remind you that as the deaths of American soldiers continue their progress toward the scrolling text beneath talking heads discussing real air-time worthy stories like Michel Jackson, many of us have had to make do with yellow ribbon bumper stickers and American flags to show our support for the troops. You sir, stand in a position to aid us all in that capacity- support House Resolution 167.

Thank you for your time,

SGT Mattson, Robin A.

This was the letter I recently wrote and sent in. If you don’t know what I’m talking about but would like to, check out the save Pantano link or visit http://www.defendthedefenders.org/. Feel free to send in your own letters, if you have the time.

Vegas

2005-04-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

I don’t have the time to be writing this, but I had to post something.

I spent most of my time seeing the sights at the casinos. They all have really interesting architecture, and many have free shows. Like the gymnast/air show at the Tropicana, the water at the Bellagio, the volcano erupting at the Mirage, the pirate show at Treasure Island, the lions at MGM, the entire length of Freemont St., and so on. Lots of the shows you pay for are very expensive, some around $300 for cheap seats.

I did go to the top of the Stratosphere and ride some rides, and also went to the tournament at Excalibur (similar to Medieval Times).

With all this I didn’t have much time to actually play at the casino’s, but I did squeak in about two hours of craps and came out ahead about $80. Pretty good for staying near the $3 minimum.
That was pretty fast, any questions just ask.

I’ve been in Vegas

2005-03-28T18:20:00.000-08:00

I’m back now, but will be very busy with school for the next two weeks. How do I put up digital pictures after that?

The Road to 1/507th HHC

2005-03-20T10:09:00.001-08:00

I’m going to try and keep my stories somewhat chronological but I’m sure I will forget a lot and will have to fill in later. I’ve already forgotten lots of names and details for many things I have been thinking about writing. Anyway:

I’m still in Benning, it’s still hot, and I’m still getting yelled at- only now its black hats instead of drill sergeants. I didn’t mind Airborne school at all, I was even relaxed enough to fall asleep in the bird before my first jump.
When I walked through the door for the first time, 1,200 feet above the ground, a mixture of nerves, wind, and noise caused great disorientation until I received a super wedgy (hereafter referred to as “opening shock”) that things slowed down (which is the desired result when your parachute opens). It was very peaceful, watching the C-130 flying away rocking back and forth in the harness.
It wasn’t long before I realized I was still going to hit the ground pretty soon- and hard. To my horror, I was drifting right along the road, which is hard, and every other square foot of drop zone is about as soft as you will find. I attempt to steer clear, however, steering is to a T-10 parachute as verbal commands are to a two-year-old in full tantrum.
So I tear a few ligaments in my ankle when I hit the road, hobble back to the assembly area, and tough it out until I get back to go through prep for our next jump. It is then I realize my ankle has swelled up to baseball size and I probably can’t go through a second jump without severely injuring myself. This results in my transferring to medical hold with head quarters company. Which will lead nicely into my adventures there.

Old Army stories

2005-03-16T11:41:00.000-08:00

I think I’ll end up writing old stories for a while. I don’t normally talk a lot, as I am fairly reserved, unless I’m the Maddog, but by then I’m probably dancing, and the environment rarely lends itself to conversation. I also don’t normally talk about Basic Training, because it really wasn’t “cool” were I grew up in the Army, but it’s fairly rampant in the guards so…
I was on KP, for the second time, and had learned enough about the process to try and scam it. KP is when you are attached to the kitchen for a day, it is not a punishment, and everyone has to do it several times. I had previously worked “pots and pans” where we washed the dishes. This was probably the hardest job in terms of labor, but you got all the food you wanted (leftovers).
During my stay at Benning (where all infantry basic is conducted), we were never allowed to eat cake, but they always made several 2X3 sheets of it. The cadre never ate that much, so I can only guess as to why they made so much.
This second time on KP, being on general maintenance, one of my jobs was to take out the trash. I informed the guys on pots and pans to let me know when the cake was brought in. Normally, they would just consume as much of it as they could before thrashing the majority of it, but I had other plans. When the cake came through, I placed a second bag in the garbage, over what was there, and emptied all the cake, or what was left, into it. I then told our detail commander (the drill sergeant who got stuck on KP to watch us) I was taking out the trash. I tied the cake bag up and hid it behind the dumpster and discarded the real garbage. I then returned to full fill the rest of my KP duty as normal.
After we were through for the day, my battle buddy (gay basic training system for accountability/punishment) and I returned to the dumpster and shoved the cake into our empty boot shine kits (ammo cans). We each had a solid brick of cake by the time we where done stuffing it in. We then brought the cans back to our bay (30 dicks sleeping in one big room), and invited everyone into the latrine to dine on our spoils.

Who is Maddog?

2005-03-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know me, I am two people. One of which is quite and reserved, goes to college (and dose quite well, regardless of his inability to spell), works part time, and is the loving father of two beautiful girls.

The other guy is, well - the Maddog.

I am awakened from somewhere deep within, so deep in fact you WILL be surprised when I emerge if you are used to my other self. I am usually summoned through the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol at the bar. It is not uncommon for those around me to grab hold of giant invisible bolt cutters and remove my shackles, or swing open an imaginary cell door calling "Here Maddog, come on out," while out stretching a drink for me to grab.

It is said that you can tell when I begin to surface by the taping of my feet or the rocking of my head. This activity is most always accompanied by shouts of "Ohh, he's comen' out, the dogs about to [get] let loose." After this has transpired it is almost standard for some of those around to mimic shining my shoes, the last ritual necessary to ensure my forth coming.

"Oooowwww. . ." someone calls as I leap through the air on my way to the dance floor. It is there, I am told, that I suffer from violent convolutions that somehow arrange themselves in a fluid manner not unsimilar to dancing. It is from then on that I suffer from an unquenchable lust for alcohol, held at bay only by call of the dance floor. When I am in full control it is much more difficult to put shackles back on or close the cell. You are probably stuck with me until the dawn.

The first thing we’re going to do is. . .

2005-03-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

a test 1, 2, 3.